Tag Archives: John Mayer

Dear John Mayer – Sneakhype’s Got Your Back

In a world full of haters, who is John Mayer to turn to for some love when he bashes homos and skanks in an interview with Playboy? Who’s got your back, son? We do. Let me walk you through the play by play of this interview and tell you why it’s all gravy. First of all dude, I gotta ask ya: WTF were you thinking bro? How high were you? Seriously. I mean we got your back but, seriously, read this:

“I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can out-gay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody — almost as if I hated f–s.”

It took me a while to figure out what f–s stood for, but after some consideration, I think the article was shying away from typing out the word “fags”. And for good reason. Johnny buddy, how you gonna bash gay dudes when you’re walkin that line yourself? Remember that shit about me sayin Sneakhype has your back? Yeah scratch that. You’re flip-floppin more than [insert politician you don’t like] during the [important shit] debates, yo.

But, before I changed my mind about taking sides with you, I was about to give you some props for the comments you made about Jessica Simpson.

“Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*****’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'”

Did you say you wanted to F’in snort Jessica Simpson? Cuz that is totally awesome. I would snort rails all up and down that fleez. On a side note, you would have to sell shit to pay 10K to repeatedly boink J-Simps? Whack dude… I thought you were caked. Much like Randy Moss…

So, John, exactly how many chicks would you say you slam on the regular?

“I’m going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.”

What does that shit even mean? So you’re now hitting 4, but you cooouuuld be doin up a dozen? Are you talkin about simultaneous groupie groupage or just individuals on the speed dial? Do dudes you admittedly make out with at night clubs count or what?

I’m tired of writing, here are some pics of John Mayer. Haha wow… take a look at his O-face pic… that one’s good for a laugh.