Food and Drink, Sneakhype

The Sneakhype Bro, with his affinity for highlighter green and curious affection for spark-plug Leandro Barbosa in NBA2K, has always been into Brazil generally and the Brazilian broad specifically (and let’s be real, the Brazilian broad has always been into the Sneakhype Bro).

Though there’s always been a problem: after exhausting your knowledge of Brazilian cinema with a discussion of City of God¹; feigning entirely any knowledge of the international soccer landscape by noting that (1) Ronaldinho is no longer the best player in the world, let alone Brazil, and (2) the competitive quality of Olympic soccer blows in comparison to the World Cup² ; and, finally, referencing the stark income inequality of her native land³ you’ve got no clue what drink to order the two of you and rejuvenate the chemistry that’s slowly dissipated as the conversation has deteriorated.

Fique tranquilo as they say in Bahia.

While she won’t vibe the vodka soda that typically satisfies Sneakhype broads nor the Brojito  (though, it should be noted, this is ideologically influenced irrationality⁴ as Lula and Castro are pals and both drinks predate the minor political differences of these two lands) and it’d be game over if you order her a fernet and diet coke⁵ mistaking the Argentine Classic  for a drink of Brazilian origin, we’ve got you covered, Sneakhype Bro. Seal the deal by ordering this twist on Brazil’s national cocktail: Protender, we’ll have two Guypirinhas.

Ingredients:

• 1 ½ – 2 oz of Cachaca
• 1/2 a Lime sliced in 3-4 wedges
• 2 spoons of Superfine sugar
• Ice cubes
• 1 shot of Whiskey⁶

Step One: Add Lime and Sugar to glass. Muddle.

Step Two: Add a hefty handful of ice

Step 3: Add Cachaca, brim the rim with sugar (refer to Rita Rioja for technical brimming assistance), and pour a shot of whiskey.

1. You remember that scene where that guy who was a big dealer ran down that preppy white kid who thought he was going to get shot, but as it turned out, the dealer just wanted to find out where the white kid got all of his preppy clothes, and he gave the kid a big wad of bills to buy some for him?  There’s no rhetorical purpose in bringing that up; that scene was just cool. [↩]
2. Why is this the case? There are evidently a few reasons. First, until 1984 only amateurs were allowed to play in the Olympics, so the Olympics didn’t have the best reputation or quality soccer. It’s like if the World Cup were Walter White and the Olympics were the former meth peddler on the streets turned PhD chemistry student/meth manufacturer: even after the Olympics became professional, they still lacked the prestige and street cred of the World Cup. Second, after professionals were allowed, FIFA–yes, the organization that oversees international soccer shares its name with the gaming classic–wanted to avoid compromising the sanctity of the World Cup, and agreed to only allow players in certain professional leagues the unrestricted opportunity to play in the Olympics. Namely, UEFA and CONMEBOL players could play in the Olympics only if they had never played in the World Cup. In 1992, this restriction was modified so that each Olympic team was allowed 3 players over the age of 23. Lastly, many professional teams have restrictions on Olympic participation, so some of the best players in the world (i.e. Wayne Rooney) are contractually bound to NOT play in the Olympics, ostensibly to avoid injury/missing practice and training. This confluence of factors has resulted in enhanced Olympic soccer parity–traditional soccer powerhouses can’t field their best teams, so the weaker countries have a better shot at competing–at the expense of quality. [↩]
3. Nodding your head solemnly, “It’s just tragic, some people have so much and others so little.” [↩]
4. Boom! Alliteration! [↩]
5. A ceiling beam once got the better of TRo’s head after he had about two pints too many of Fernet and forgot how ill his vertical leap is. As they say, when in Buenos Aires…Regardless, this reminds us: as always, partake in both DOTW and non-DOTW responsibly. [↩]
6.  Admittedly, this recipe is essentially a Caipirinha, but to put the ‘Guy’ in Guypirinha (much like with all drinks) take a shot of whiskey at some juncture during the drink’s consumption. [↩]